This post is about my day in clinic today…..
There are times in clinic where I sit with my patients in the middle of their initial consult and Im overwhelmed by their journey. What they have done to get where they are today. Today is one of those times where its the case that just knocks me over.
Today at 1.35pm, a patient of mine called to the door. Once I heard the door bell ring I was in my head going, ahhhhhh!!!!!!! I don’t have a room for my patient, I must have double booked again….. (This happens sometimes, and when this happens its like a RyanAir flight thats been over booked, its just not pretty….) So I calmly went to the door, said hello, and mentioned I was running a little late, so if she could wait in reception for a few minutes….
She said no no, I don’t have an appointment… I just need a word…. (Relief…. Phew….) then I was thinking opppssss… There must be something wrong….
Its been 4-5 months since our first session, and I really honestly wasn’t 100% sure if I could help. But when we went through her full history, I really felt there wasa chance… As she only ever in her life had 6-7 natural periods, she had spent years using medication to bring on her periods, then attempting multiple IUI cycles and finally 3 failed IVF’s.
After a good chat we decided that the best course of action was to try and focus on her reproductive systems ability to have a period naturally. I believed at the time if we could get 3-4 natal cycles, she could and would get pregnant. You have to appreciate that this was not going to be easy, she was now 37 and had only had a handful on natural period cycles… So we decided on a treatment strategy of 2 acupuncture sessions a month, every second week.
After her first acupuncture session she had the period from Hell, I remember getting a phone call, with her crying, ‘what have you done to me, this is killing me…’ (I got a fright I have to admit) a few days later she called to say wow, wasn’t that amazing….. 🙂 One session… Yes it was… We were on to something, we only needed 2-3 more cycles and we’d have a 50% to 60% chance of her getting pregnant, so much better than the 5% chance she had been given by her doctors.
She really worked hard through each session, but the one area we hadn’t managed to crack was her belief…. Her belief in herself and in the fact that she wasn’t broken…. and she could get pregnant…. 15 years of trying will take this belief in having a child away from you. And I needed to find a way to get it back for her… Then one day, it clicked just like the final piece of a puzzle, this was in November… We were now in our second cycle in a row…. I even found it quite amazing, and was so excited to see the changes, not only the emotional changes, but physically. Its almost like her body wanted all these changes to happen. It really could not have happened any other way…
By the way, None of these months were easy for her. None of the sessions with me, were easy. We had a lot of baggage, history and emotion to work through… And there are times it feels like you are in the middle of the ocean on your little boat with no fecking compass…. Where part of your brain is saying this can’t work, this won’t work, this hasn’t worked for 15 years, and we have this guy pushing you to believe it can and will happen…. Sure how does he know what Im going through, he’s a man…. And he’s not going through what Im going through…. (and he’s not)….. But all Im looking for is a little glimmer of ‘Hope’ something that I can aim my little boat towards…
And you know something, I do drive people crazy in here with hope and belief, and I know it drives them crazy…. But you know what I couldn’t do what I do, if I honestly didn’t believe I could help. Its not in me to lie, to give false hope…. And I do know, for some people it will not work. Where for half my patients it will not work and I won’t be able to help them have a baby. And thats the heart breaker…. We just don’t know who it will work for.. But if there is a 1% chance of making it happen, of getting you 1% closer to having a baby. I think its worth fighting for.. Anyway enough about me…. 🙂
So she says to me today, ‘Gordon, I’m Pregnant, I’m Pregnant’, I can’t believe it, I really can’t’